Revision

Reimagine your piece -

I would like to add more images and statements into my essay. I also would like to revise some of the stories a little bit because I don't think I'm clear on the purpose of each story. Each story represents a certain aspect of owning a car. The part where i describe cleaning my car, is because it was a used a car and now that I am the new owner i wanted to clean the car to my liking ( aspect of buying a used car). I also would like to talk about the things i added that the lady didn't have before me, new mats, a new radio, air fresheners etc to now personalize my car. Another story was when my friends and I drove to the mall, this story had a lot to do with backseat drivers. I know now that i shouldn't have listened to her but then i was inexperienced so i tried to make the turn and I caused a very minor accident. The third story is where i talk about taking my eyes off the road for a second and here i would like to explain more how i assumed she was going to go and that was not the case. I would like to go into more detail about the risk of taking your eyes off the road and how that accident could have been a lot more severe. I would like to add another story about the couple burn holes i have on the interior roof of my car. This story will develop another aspect to my main focus which is car identity. I could have avoided this by not allowing anyone to smoke in my car but because I did and everyone is subject to imperfection, a few friends hit their cigarette and made a burn hole, including myself. This brings up the point of subjecting your car to damage because it is an object and trusting others. Another story is the risk of driving when the road conditions are bad and again i took that risk and the next day i paid for it. In this story i think i added enough detail when i describe the condition of my car the next day when i drove it to school. My last story is about the accident that caused a lot of damage to my car. In this specific story i would like to add a lot more images. I faintly talk about the actual accident and here I would like to describe the actual accident and what happened to me and my car when i got hit. My body lifted up and my leg hit the side of my car and my head hit the upper paneling and i felt my whole body get jumbled and my car got hit so hard it pushed my car to make the turn by the force of the other car. Thus for the last story I am going to add more images to make the meaning have more of a purpose. I am going to add more images and description to my stories to devlop a better focus for my paper.