When I hear the name Tyler, I automatically think of my three year old nephew, Tyler John. My sister found out she was pregnant when she was twenty years old and her boyfriend, the baby’s father was twenty one. After repeating those ages I’m sure to add that having a baby was not planned for them at all, they were too young and definitely not ready to be parents. I can still remember the day my sister found out she was pregnant. We were all sitting in my back room, my sister, her friend, my friend, my mother and I. My sister was late for her period and on that day she went upstairs to take the pregnancy test and about five minutes later I heard her call for her friend, then me, and after my mother. I ran up the stairs and she said it came out positive. I remember feeling so scared for her, my mother is going to kill her I thought. Seconds later my mother came up the stairs and my sister told her. By surprise my mother smiled and said okay you’re keeping it right, my sister agreed and that is how Tyler John became my nephew.
During my sisters pregnancy she fought a lot with her boyfriend. They didn’t seem to agree on much and at one point her boyfriend started going out a lot, which bothered me a lot. I would look at my sister posted up on the couch, looking very uncomfortable and depressed, while her boyfriend went out to the bar or to play pool. I remember thinking what right does he have to go enjoy those events If she can’t, he should be home comforting her. As time went by I realized that he was in distress and so was she. They both weren’t ready to be parents but they had to and they made the decision to keep the baby, so they were going to be parents. My sister’s way of coping was by shutting herself off from the world. She went to work and that’s about it, she didn’t go out to eat, to the mall, stores, friend’s house, nothing. She just wanted to be home especially towards the end because being that she was about 5’3 and one hundred and ten pounds before the pregnancy and by the end she gained about seventy pounds all together which made her extremely swollen and uncomfortable. At the same time my sister’s boyfriend was going out a lot with his friends, and went to Florida for three months to work while she was pregnant. He was trying to get extra money for the baby and his family that he needed to provide for. At the age of twenty one with no college degree it was hard for him to find a long term steady job, but in time he did and that was a blessing by itself for him because he got a union job. Thus that is why during her pregnancy he went out a lot because that was his way of keeping his mind off what was about to come. They both had to grow up quick and they knew it. He was not ready so he acted up in ways that weren’t right.
The day Tyler was born he brought so much happiness to my family. He made my mother a grandmother, me an aunt, and my grandparent’s great grandparents and my sister a mother and her boyfriend a father. After Tyler was born my sister and her husband decided to get married. Her husband moved into my mother’s house, where I lived and my step father built on an extra room for the baby. After Tyler was born my sister and her husband started going out a lot. It seemed as if they were trying to erase there reality by going out and having drinks. It was a good time, they got to do what they use to do, felt like no responsibilities and they knew the baby was safe with the grandmother. In time like anything else they took advantage of the fact that my mother would watch the baby a lot. They still were not ready to be parents because if they were, they wouldn’t have needed that escape of going out and getting drunk. But they did because they had to grow up fast and they felt that they missed out on things so by going out they were trying to relive what they have missed in the past year. On top of that they were still fighting like cats and dogs. Don’t get my wrong they had there good times together but most times were not so good. As a baby Tyler heard a good amount of yelling which I think is very bad for a child but when there are two parents who are young and immature the arguing factor is inevitable. Thus, they tried and tried at their marriage but the fighting never ended.
Now Tyler is three years old and his parents are getting divorced. The other day my step father said something in a stern voice to my mother and Tyler ran over to him and tried to push him and said don’t yell at grandma, which he wasn’t but Tyler thought so. Tyler has heard his father yell at his mother a lot throughout his life especially now because of the divorce and he has become angry when he hears anyone raise there voice. He is an innocent child who was not asked to be born but he was. Parents have a huge influence on their children. And because he has heard yelling and arguing a lot he becomes angry when he hears it and lashes out. Unfortunately when parents are not ready to have children or are immature, too young, not ready, whatever the reason may be they do not only affect themselves but rather the innocent children. To this day I feel sorry that he is going to grow up in a divorced family because I come from a divorced family and I wish I didn’t. When I watch Tyler interact with his parents I see the affect that the divorce is having on him. Although he is not old enough to understand completely he senses something and I can tell he is being affected emotionally. Whether he lashes out when he hears yelling, or bites his nails when his father comes round he is affected by this divorce and in the end he truly is a victim of two parents who were not ready to have a child.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Focus for essay three
I'm not really sure as to what my focus is going to be but i am going to write about my nephew, Tyler. I would like you use different stories i have of him and with that develop a focus. He is three years old and has brought so much joy to my family. I might focus on the impact that he had on his two parents when he was born and the impact that he has now as a three old child. Each descritpion (story) that i write will all tie into my main focus, which is undecided. I need to think and brainstorm more but i know i want to write about tyler i just need to think of a focus. For feedback i would like to know if this is a good idea and if im on the right track.
Final Draft
When I was six years old my parents filed for divorce. I did not realize the effects that divorce would have on me throughout the different ages of my life as I do now. It was a beautiful summer day I still remember the sun shining and it just felt and seemed like a happy day. My parents told my sister and I that they were going to take us to Sabella Park, our local park right near our old condo in North Brunswick. They told us that they had to talk to us about something. I remember feeling excited my parents never made me feel like such an “adult” at the age of six as they did that day. I remember feeling so curious, what do they have to tell us? How come there making it so special for us? What could it possibly be, is it good or bad? I didn’t know but I couldn’t wait to find out.
They sat us down at the bleachers and told us that mommy and daddy weren’t going to live together anymore that daddy was going to live at grandma’s house for now on and we would stay with mommy at the condo. Immediately after they told us I said, “Okay let’s go play”, it seemed as if it did not bother me one bit. I remember feeling happy, which is strange to feel when your parents tell you there getting divorced. Although I guess I didn’t know what it truly meant to get divorced. I remember thinking okay that’s great it’s just going to be my mom, sister, and me. Hence, I loved to be just with my mom so I thought this was going to be great. Daddy would be living at my grandmas and I loved going to my grandmas so now it will be like having two houses.
My dad was eager to start up a new life, but I didn’t know that then, I’m telling you this now. He introduced me to his new girlfriend, Karen, about three weeks after my parents told me they were getting divorced. She was really nice and outgoing and the first time I met her she brought me white sunglasses, of course I liked her. Don’t we all know the saying “it so easy to buy a child’s love.” But of course I didn’t think that at the time. I thought daddy has a new girlfriend, she’s nice and bought me a present, I like her! It never came to my mind what about my mother, how is she feeling, didn’t daddy move on kind of fast, within weeks a new relationship? None of those thoughts ever entered my mind because I was a six year old child, at that age our minds don’t think that intensely. I also never asked my mother what was the reason her and my father got divorced because it did not matter to me at that time in my life. Therefore I went on and accepted this new woman that my dad brought into my life. A year later he married her and a year after that she was pregnant. My dad and Karen had my twin sisters, who I was thrilled about. I couldn’t wait to be an older sister.
Later on that year I seemed to development a feeling of abandonment. I didn’t know at the time but as I got older I realized why I acted in such ways. My mom would leave to go to the store or just to run errands and when she was gone I would sit in my room and worry about anything and everything. Is she ever going to come home? What if she never comes back? Is she safe, what if she got into a car accident? What if she got kidnapped? I would sit there and think about every possible negative thing that could happen to my mother, because I was so worried about her leaving my side and never coming back. Later on my mother told me that she talked to the psychiatrist and they explained what the reason was. They said I was so nervous about my mom abandoning me like my dad did. One minute my dad was living with us and everything was fine and the next his bags were packed and he was gone. Hence, the reason I worried that my mother would ever do the same.
To be honest I guess I didn’t want any adult figure leaving my side. I still remember sitting in my second grade class, which brings me to about seven and my teacher told the class , “ I’m going to run down the hall for a second, everyone stay in their seats , ill be right back”. Of course like any second grade class as soon as the teacher left the room, it filled with laughter, jokes and loud voices. Everyone in the class was thrilled that the teacher left us, everyone but me. I remember watching the teacher walk out the door and my body filled with a warm nervous sensation. I didn’t want her to leave and I didn’t trust being in the class with all those children and no teacher. I stared for a couple seconds until I could no longer see because my eyes were slowly filling up with tears. I was going to panic and I felt it. I remember thinking why did she leave us what if she doesn’t come back; we need the teacher in this classroom, were just children we can’t be here on our own. Slowly as the tears came the other students came around my desk simultaneously. What’s the matter Jaime, why are you crying? I remember saying, “I just want the teacher back in the room, where is she?” The teacher came walking back in the room a minute or two later, but it felt like hours to me. Immediately she walked over to me and had a look of sympathy all over her face. She whispered, “What’s the matter Jaime”. I remember telling her, “I got scared that you left and I thought you weren’t going to come back”. She assured me that she would never do that and she really had to use the bathroom, it was an emergency and she couldn’t hold it. Then she promised me she would never do that again and if ever she needed to leave she would get another teacher to wait in the room till she came back. I smiled and what I can guess is I was okay the rest of the day. Consequently I realized on the surface the divorce didn’t bother me but on an emotional level it affected me a lot as a child
It was only a matter of time till I became old enough to have that certain question pop in my head, “why did my parents get divorced?” At the age of twelve I decided to ask my mother what happened. I wasn’t prepared for the story I was told and it was probably the last thing I wanted to hear, but I’m glad now that I was told the truth. My father was a drug dealer he was selling cocaine and marijuana and not only that, he was getting high himself. Coincidently my mother’s father, my pop-pop Jack’s was a New Brunswick cop. My father was being watched for months until the night they raided the condo. I was only six, I remember walking out and seeing policemen in my living room I was told to go back in my room. My pop-pop Jacks partner was investigating my father but my pop-pop never put two and two together. They were watching a guy named “Al” and that was it. He didn’t realize it was my dad till that night that they called him and said, “Jack I’m at your daughter’s house and your grandkids are here, your daughters at work.” This is when my grandfather shockingly realized that the guy Al they were following and building a case on was his daughter’s husband.
They called my mother she had to leave work and sign a paper that agreed she had no idea about my father’s drugs or dealing. Otherwise my sister and I would have been taken away. My father did what I thought was the right thing. He went to rehab and my mother stuck by his side throughout that period. Eventually he got out and that is what caused the divorce. My father no longer could be high on drugs so he needed some other excitement in his life. So he decided to have an affair with, Karen, my step mom. I couldn’t believe what was being told to me. Karen, who I’ve known now for six years, is the lady my father cheated on my mother with. It was a lot to entail at the age of twelve from knowing nothing to everything. Although I never blamed my step mother because I figured she didn’t know and my dad probably didn’t tell her the whole truth anyway. I then despised my father as I do now. My mom didn’t want us to hate him, she would say he’s your dad and he does love you, you just have to accept him for the way he is and my mom would never say anything bad about him. Yet I couldn’t stop thinking, how could he cheat on my mother, especially after she stuck by his side through everything? She forced herself to forgive him and love him again for her children so they wouldn’t grow up in a divorced family. Yet what does he do as soon as he gets out, has an affair with the lady I acceptingly took into my life at age six. I despised him for awhile and just couldn’t really understand how anyone could ever be so cold and heartless; especially to the person I think the world of, my mother. I never understood it, because I would never have the heart to do that especially when there’s children involved.
At the age of twelve I also wonder how he was able to leave a family so suddenly just to start up a new one. Don’t get me wrong my sister and I were always welcomed at my dads’ house and went there almost every other weekend to see my dad, step mom and my sisters. Yet it still was missing two things, and that was MY mother and my father because I never got close to him and I never wanted too. I didn’t like the person he was and I especially didn’t like what he did. Thus, I never knew what divorce was at the age six, surprisingly it brought joy to my face the first time I heard it. Although time has passed and now when I think of divorce I have a completely different feeling. I feel that when two parents get divorced not only do they suffer, but the innocent children suffer as well.
As an adult I now realize that the divorce causes a lot of mixed feelings and emotions through all three ages. At the age of six the divorce did not bother me on the surface but it took a toll on me emotionally. At the age of twelve I despised my father and could not believe or accept what my father did to me mother. Now that I am older I still don’t agree with what my father did but in some way I do not feel how I did when I was twelve . I despise him and think it was wrong but I realized after he left my step mom and other sisters that maybe he doesn’t know how to be a father and he does the best he can. I still blame him one hundred and ten percent for the divorce and I don’t think anything good really comes out of it, except in this case, my mother divorcing that asshole because he never deserved her from day one. Thus I can say that in my divorced family as much as I would have liked to see my parents together, I am happy that my mother made the right choice and left him my father because she became my mother, father and best friend and that was better then anything my father could have given me as a person, and now that I am older, I know that.
They sat us down at the bleachers and told us that mommy and daddy weren’t going to live together anymore that daddy was going to live at grandma’s house for now on and we would stay with mommy at the condo. Immediately after they told us I said, “Okay let’s go play”, it seemed as if it did not bother me one bit. I remember feeling happy, which is strange to feel when your parents tell you there getting divorced. Although I guess I didn’t know what it truly meant to get divorced. I remember thinking okay that’s great it’s just going to be my mom, sister, and me. Hence, I loved to be just with my mom so I thought this was going to be great. Daddy would be living at my grandmas and I loved going to my grandmas so now it will be like having two houses.
My dad was eager to start up a new life, but I didn’t know that then, I’m telling you this now. He introduced me to his new girlfriend, Karen, about three weeks after my parents told me they were getting divorced. She was really nice and outgoing and the first time I met her she brought me white sunglasses, of course I liked her. Don’t we all know the saying “it so easy to buy a child’s love.” But of course I didn’t think that at the time. I thought daddy has a new girlfriend, she’s nice and bought me a present, I like her! It never came to my mind what about my mother, how is she feeling, didn’t daddy move on kind of fast, within weeks a new relationship? None of those thoughts ever entered my mind because I was a six year old child, at that age our minds don’t think that intensely. I also never asked my mother what was the reason her and my father got divorced because it did not matter to me at that time in my life. Therefore I went on and accepted this new woman that my dad brought into my life. A year later he married her and a year after that she was pregnant. My dad and Karen had my twin sisters, who I was thrilled about. I couldn’t wait to be an older sister.
Later on that year I seemed to development a feeling of abandonment. I didn’t know at the time but as I got older I realized why I acted in such ways. My mom would leave to go to the store or just to run errands and when she was gone I would sit in my room and worry about anything and everything. Is she ever going to come home? What if she never comes back? Is she safe, what if she got into a car accident? What if she got kidnapped? I would sit there and think about every possible negative thing that could happen to my mother, because I was so worried about her leaving my side and never coming back. Later on my mother told me that she talked to the psychiatrist and they explained what the reason was. They said I was so nervous about my mom abandoning me like my dad did. One minute my dad was living with us and everything was fine and the next his bags were packed and he was gone. Hence, the reason I worried that my mother would ever do the same.
To be honest I guess I didn’t want any adult figure leaving my side. I still remember sitting in my second grade class, which brings me to about seven and my teacher told the class , “ I’m going to run down the hall for a second, everyone stay in their seats , ill be right back”. Of course like any second grade class as soon as the teacher left the room, it filled with laughter, jokes and loud voices. Everyone in the class was thrilled that the teacher left us, everyone but me. I remember watching the teacher walk out the door and my body filled with a warm nervous sensation. I didn’t want her to leave and I didn’t trust being in the class with all those children and no teacher. I stared for a couple seconds until I could no longer see because my eyes were slowly filling up with tears. I was going to panic and I felt it. I remember thinking why did she leave us what if she doesn’t come back; we need the teacher in this classroom, were just children we can’t be here on our own. Slowly as the tears came the other students came around my desk simultaneously. What’s the matter Jaime, why are you crying? I remember saying, “I just want the teacher back in the room, where is she?” The teacher came walking back in the room a minute or two later, but it felt like hours to me. Immediately she walked over to me and had a look of sympathy all over her face. She whispered, “What’s the matter Jaime”. I remember telling her, “I got scared that you left and I thought you weren’t going to come back”. She assured me that she would never do that and she really had to use the bathroom, it was an emergency and she couldn’t hold it. Then she promised me she would never do that again and if ever she needed to leave she would get another teacher to wait in the room till she came back. I smiled and what I can guess is I was okay the rest of the day. Consequently I realized on the surface the divorce didn’t bother me but on an emotional level it affected me a lot as a child
It was only a matter of time till I became old enough to have that certain question pop in my head, “why did my parents get divorced?” At the age of twelve I decided to ask my mother what happened. I wasn’t prepared for the story I was told and it was probably the last thing I wanted to hear, but I’m glad now that I was told the truth. My father was a drug dealer he was selling cocaine and marijuana and not only that, he was getting high himself. Coincidently my mother’s father, my pop-pop Jack’s was a New Brunswick cop. My father was being watched for months until the night they raided the condo. I was only six, I remember walking out and seeing policemen in my living room I was told to go back in my room. My pop-pop Jacks partner was investigating my father but my pop-pop never put two and two together. They were watching a guy named “Al” and that was it. He didn’t realize it was my dad till that night that they called him and said, “Jack I’m at your daughter’s house and your grandkids are here, your daughters at work.” This is when my grandfather shockingly realized that the guy Al they were following and building a case on was his daughter’s husband.
They called my mother she had to leave work and sign a paper that agreed she had no idea about my father’s drugs or dealing. Otherwise my sister and I would have been taken away. My father did what I thought was the right thing. He went to rehab and my mother stuck by his side throughout that period. Eventually he got out and that is what caused the divorce. My father no longer could be high on drugs so he needed some other excitement in his life. So he decided to have an affair with, Karen, my step mom. I couldn’t believe what was being told to me. Karen, who I’ve known now for six years, is the lady my father cheated on my mother with. It was a lot to entail at the age of twelve from knowing nothing to everything. Although I never blamed my step mother because I figured she didn’t know and my dad probably didn’t tell her the whole truth anyway. I then despised my father as I do now. My mom didn’t want us to hate him, she would say he’s your dad and he does love you, you just have to accept him for the way he is and my mom would never say anything bad about him. Yet I couldn’t stop thinking, how could he cheat on my mother, especially after she stuck by his side through everything? She forced herself to forgive him and love him again for her children so they wouldn’t grow up in a divorced family. Yet what does he do as soon as he gets out, has an affair with the lady I acceptingly took into my life at age six. I despised him for awhile and just couldn’t really understand how anyone could ever be so cold and heartless; especially to the person I think the world of, my mother. I never understood it, because I would never have the heart to do that especially when there’s children involved.
At the age of twelve I also wonder how he was able to leave a family so suddenly just to start up a new one. Don’t get me wrong my sister and I were always welcomed at my dads’ house and went there almost every other weekend to see my dad, step mom and my sisters. Yet it still was missing two things, and that was MY mother and my father because I never got close to him and I never wanted too. I didn’t like the person he was and I especially didn’t like what he did. Thus, I never knew what divorce was at the age six, surprisingly it brought joy to my face the first time I heard it. Although time has passed and now when I think of divorce I have a completely different feeling. I feel that when two parents get divorced not only do they suffer, but the innocent children suffer as well.
As an adult I now realize that the divorce causes a lot of mixed feelings and emotions through all three ages. At the age of six the divorce did not bother me on the surface but it took a toll on me emotionally. At the age of twelve I despised my father and could not believe or accept what my father did to me mother. Now that I am older I still don’t agree with what my father did but in some way I do not feel how I did when I was twelve . I despise him and think it was wrong but I realized after he left my step mom and other sisters that maybe he doesn’t know how to be a father and he does the best he can. I still blame him one hundred and ten percent for the divorce and I don’t think anything good really comes out of it, except in this case, my mother divorcing that asshole because he never deserved her from day one. Thus I can say that in my divorced family as much as I would have liked to see my parents together, I am happy that my mother made the right choice and left him my father because she became my mother, father and best friend and that was better then anything my father could have given me as a person, and now that I am older, I know that.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Photograph
In this photograph there is a picture of my sister, Meagan and I she is picking me up and we have our arms around eachother. I was about five or six and she was about seven or eight. We both have on dance costumes. She has on a red one piece outfit and i have on a cheetah one piece outfit. We use to dress up and put on a dance show for my mother. I remember we use to move the table in my living room and put on one of our cds. Then we use to make up a dance and then have my mother sit down and watch it. This picture was taken in my old house in North Brunswick at our condo. I also see a wooden bench that is right behind us. I remeber this bench being in our house too. I also see about three picture frames behind us. Although there is only a picture in one of the frames and its cut off in the photo but it was a picture of my sister and i when we were three and five. We moved out of the condo when i was about eight. The outfits we were wearing are way gone, i have not actually seen them since we moved, most likely my mother gave them away to family, friends or charity because we grew out of them.
Stories of things from my past
I looked into my one closet where i put a lot of my storage. I found a stuffed animal dog, his name is floppy. I remember my mother giving him to me when i was about eight years old. We went to a toy store and i saw it and fell in love with him. I thought he was so cute and his fur was so soft, i couldn't stop rubbing him on my face.The moment i walked out of the store i slept with that dog everynight, until i felt to old to be sleeping with a stuffed animal. I even brought him on vacations with me, sleepovers, etc.
Another item that i saw is a wooden box i have. In this box i have a necklace and you can slide open the front and there is a picture of my mother. I also have a picture of my parents on their wedding day and the article that was in the newspaper that announced they were getting married. I remember keeping my money in here a lot when i was younger too. I noticed on the inside lid of the box there was some numbers, i believe i use to try and keep count of the money i got on holidays.
Another item that i saw is a wooden box i have. In this box i have a necklace and you can slide open the front and there is a picture of my mother. I also have a picture of my parents on their wedding day and the article that was in the newspaper that announced they were getting married. I remember keeping my money in here a lot when i was younger too. I noticed on the inside lid of the box there was some numbers, i believe i use to try and keep count of the money i got on holidays.
Monday, October 26, 2009
narrative on which essay to revise
I am going to revise my first essay about my parents divorce. I thought i wouldn't want to revise it and use it as my final draft because it's personal but i had a change in mind. I am going to revise the essay and take out the things that i feel are to personal. I choose this essay because i have more to write about and i personally like the structure of it better then my second draft. My second draft is about my expectations of highschool, which is very original. I'm sure most peoples expectations of highschool are very similiar. Thus, i would like to revise the essay which is unique. I also like my first draft because there is a couple stories within the story, which makes it intresting. As i read over my second draft to revise it i couldn't add anything to make it more intresting or appealing to the reader i felt like it was very blah. Where as my first draft i had a ton of ideas circling through my head on what to add and take out to revise the draft. I decided to revise my first draft because it has a deeper meaning to me and with that i noticed i can develop a better essay.
draft two
I can vividly remember sitting in my chair the last day of middle school thinking continuously about what to expect going into high school. I had my own expectations, which of course were influenced by others who had already experienced it. I still remember my older sister telling me how she felt going into high school. Although, my sister and I are like day and night so it wasn’t much help to me. She had that I don’t care attitude and I worried about anything and everything that could possibly happen.
When I walked in the first day of orientation, I was so overwhelmed by the size of the building. I remember thinking, “HAA and they say you learn your way around in the first week, yea right.” I was walking through the hallways envisioning myself getting lost the first day. The building seemed so big and confusing, but I did keep in mind so did middle school and that turned out fine. I knew my middle school like the back of my hand, and in time I would know my high school like that right? I guess I hoped that I would and I did. The first day of school I got slightly lost, and I did what I said I wouldn’t, I asked an upperclassmen for directions and you wouldn’t believe it, they gave me legit directions on how to get to my class. I know now that, that was a false accusation I made about the upperclassmen.
The night before the first day of high school I sat up until two in the morning. What was I possibly doing? I was thinking about everything under the sun. Questions came in and out of my head and I remember thinking why do I think so much, on top of the million questions I had about high school. Who were my teachers going to be, male female? Will they be nice, strict, mean, boring? I hope those stories about freshman Friday in the bathroom are not true. The school was enormous on orientation day, will I get lost? How will I find my class if the bell rings and I’m lost? I remember thinking I don’t want to ask another student because they will probably give the wrong directions and humor themselves that they sent me the wrong way. Will teachers get furious that a student walks in late on the first day? Am I going to have people I know in my lunch, gym? What if I have no one I know in my lunch? I remember thinking that will devastate me I have to have at least one person right? Every question that I could think of entered my mind that night before my first day of high school.
One of the things that worried me was the amount of work that would be given and the difficulty I might have completing it. I figured it would be hard completing work for six different classes each day, plus papers, exams, test, quizzes and so fourth. I remember picturing assignments piled up to the ceiling and being up until three in the morning trying to finish. I guess at that time I wasn’t ready for high school yet. Or was it that I didn’t know what to expect so it made me nervous. I remember thinking that high school is probably much harder than middle school. If I would have known then what I know now I wouldn’t of even cared because high school was the best years of my life. My expectations for high school were much higher then they needed to be. Now that I think back I didn’t devote much time to studying and I easily passed all my classes without encountering any problems.
Expectations can really put a toll on a person. I heard the teachers of my high school did not care about teaching or helping their students. I couldn’t believe I heard that I remember thinking, “well why the hell are they teachers then if they don’t want to teach or help their students”. Of course that was another high expectation. It turned out all my teachers throughout the four years of high school were very caring and helpful to me. I realized that the person that told me that was just expecting to get babied in high school. With that I made the assumption that it wasn’t that the teachers didn’t care it was that they did want to treat us like babies. They were trying to prepare us for our future. The only exception to what I said was my biology teacher. I remember sitting in my biology class and I asked my friend Dan a question, who was sitting right next to me. My teacher raised his voice and with that, he said, “Jaimesue Shut up.” I couldn’t believe the words that came out of that man’s mouth. I looked at him and I said, “Do not ever tell me to shut up, if you would like to me be quiet ask nicely, it’s very unprofessional to talk to your students like that.” The teacher had a blank stare and said nothing in return.
Before my first day my friend called me up and said, “Do you hear what they do to freshmen on Friday.” Hesitantly I answered, “No what...” She said, “I heard every time a freshman uses the bathroom on Friday they would get tormented.” For a split second I thought about that foolish rumor wondering it was true. Now that I think back what a baby I was wondering if upperclassmen would pick on me. If I would known then what I know now I would have said, “yeah let someone try to torment me and they’ll be tormented by me!” But I did not have that attitude then so I asked my older sister about the freshman Friday rumor. She laughed and said that would never happen and she never even heard of that. I remember believing her and realizing I was a little to paranoid about the whole high school thing.
I had a lot of different expectations of high school. Unfortunately mostly all of them were negative. Now I am very pleased to say it turned out to be the opposite of what I expected. I’m glad I listened to other people’s opinions about high school but now I know you can’t believe everything you hear. I know that now but at the age of thirteen I was very naive. Although I worried like crazy and couldn’t stop bombarding myself with stupid questions high school turned out great. With all those questions and answers from other people and experiencing high school, I realized sometimes you will never know what to expect until you have experienced it yourself.
When I walked in the first day of orientation, I was so overwhelmed by the size of the building. I remember thinking, “HAA and they say you learn your way around in the first week, yea right.” I was walking through the hallways envisioning myself getting lost the first day. The building seemed so big and confusing, but I did keep in mind so did middle school and that turned out fine. I knew my middle school like the back of my hand, and in time I would know my high school like that right? I guess I hoped that I would and I did. The first day of school I got slightly lost, and I did what I said I wouldn’t, I asked an upperclassmen for directions and you wouldn’t believe it, they gave me legit directions on how to get to my class. I know now that, that was a false accusation I made about the upperclassmen.
The night before the first day of high school I sat up until two in the morning. What was I possibly doing? I was thinking about everything under the sun. Questions came in and out of my head and I remember thinking why do I think so much, on top of the million questions I had about high school. Who were my teachers going to be, male female? Will they be nice, strict, mean, boring? I hope those stories about freshman Friday in the bathroom are not true. The school was enormous on orientation day, will I get lost? How will I find my class if the bell rings and I’m lost? I remember thinking I don’t want to ask another student because they will probably give the wrong directions and humor themselves that they sent me the wrong way. Will teachers get furious that a student walks in late on the first day? Am I going to have people I know in my lunch, gym? What if I have no one I know in my lunch? I remember thinking that will devastate me I have to have at least one person right? Every question that I could think of entered my mind that night before my first day of high school.
One of the things that worried me was the amount of work that would be given and the difficulty I might have completing it. I figured it would be hard completing work for six different classes each day, plus papers, exams, test, quizzes and so fourth. I remember picturing assignments piled up to the ceiling and being up until three in the morning trying to finish. I guess at that time I wasn’t ready for high school yet. Or was it that I didn’t know what to expect so it made me nervous. I remember thinking that high school is probably much harder than middle school. If I would have known then what I know now I wouldn’t of even cared because high school was the best years of my life. My expectations for high school were much higher then they needed to be. Now that I think back I didn’t devote much time to studying and I easily passed all my classes without encountering any problems.
Expectations can really put a toll on a person. I heard the teachers of my high school did not care about teaching or helping their students. I couldn’t believe I heard that I remember thinking, “well why the hell are they teachers then if they don’t want to teach or help their students”. Of course that was another high expectation. It turned out all my teachers throughout the four years of high school were very caring and helpful to me. I realized that the person that told me that was just expecting to get babied in high school. With that I made the assumption that it wasn’t that the teachers didn’t care it was that they did want to treat us like babies. They were trying to prepare us for our future. The only exception to what I said was my biology teacher. I remember sitting in my biology class and I asked my friend Dan a question, who was sitting right next to me. My teacher raised his voice and with that, he said, “Jaimesue Shut up.” I couldn’t believe the words that came out of that man’s mouth. I looked at him and I said, “Do not ever tell me to shut up, if you would like to me be quiet ask nicely, it’s very unprofessional to talk to your students like that.” The teacher had a blank stare and said nothing in return.
Before my first day my friend called me up and said, “Do you hear what they do to freshmen on Friday.” Hesitantly I answered, “No what...” She said, “I heard every time a freshman uses the bathroom on Friday they would get tormented.” For a split second I thought about that foolish rumor wondering it was true. Now that I think back what a baby I was wondering if upperclassmen would pick on me. If I would known then what I know now I would have said, “yeah let someone try to torment me and they’ll be tormented by me!” But I did not have that attitude then so I asked my older sister about the freshman Friday rumor. She laughed and said that would never happen and she never even heard of that. I remember believing her and realizing I was a little to paranoid about the whole high school thing.
I had a lot of different expectations of high school. Unfortunately mostly all of them were negative. Now I am very pleased to say it turned out to be the opposite of what I expected. I’m glad I listened to other people’s opinions about high school but now I know you can’t believe everything you hear. I know that now but at the age of thirteen I was very naive. Although I worried like crazy and couldn’t stop bombarding myself with stupid questions high school turned out great. With all those questions and answers from other people and experiencing high school, I realized sometimes you will never know what to expect until you have experienced it yourself.
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